Categories: Health, News

Date: 31st July 2025

How attachment theory can help us better understand our dogs with Beverly Lassiter

You may have heard of Attachment Theory in the context of human relationships but can it help us connect with our dogs too?

Beverly Lassiter, a dog trainer with a background in human psychology says it can, and she explains why in this blog post.

You can watch a video of the conversation with Beverly if you prefer, scroll down to find it on YouTube.

Beverly explains how attachment theory can give us a whole new perspective on the relationships we build with our dogs.

Beverly is a dog trainer and Certified Separation Anxiety Trainer (CSAT), plus she studied psychology at University.

And it was after reading the work of Dr Daniel Mills from the University of Lincoln, who noticed the correlation between how the theory was applied to humans and our relationships with our dogs, that she began to incorporate it into her own work with clients.

Beverly explains: “Dogs attach in many of the same ways to humans that children do. They are forming emotional attachments with us, and they’re just like kids.”

Whether you’re dealing with separation struggles or simply want to better understand your dog’s emotions, you’ll learn how secure attachment helps dogs feel safer, more regulated, and more confident in the world.

Beverly has also shared images to help show the principles of the theory she’s so passionate about, and you’ll find all you need to connect and learn more at the end of the article.

What is attachment theory?

Attachment theory is a psychological theory about how children form bonds in early life and how those bonds influence behaviour, relationships, and our emotions throughout life.

This bond between a child and their parent or caregiver impacts how the child will relate to others, respond to stress, and navigate the world emotionally.

It was developed by John Bowlby, a British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, in the 1950s who was studying the early separation between children and their primary caregivers.

Bowlby believed that attachment behaviours – like crying, clinging, or searching – were coping and survival mechanisms that helped keep infants close to their caregivers.

He argued that a child’s experience of care, especially in the first few years of life, profoundly affects their sense of security and their ability to form stable relationships later in life.

His collaborator, Mary Ainsworth, an American-Canadian developmental psychologist, built on Bowlby’s work in the 1970s.

She developed the Strange Situation Test, a controlled experiment that assessed how children responded to separations and reunions with their parent or caregiver.

She found three primary attachment styles:

Secure attachment
Insecure-avoidant attachment
Insecure-ambivalent/resistant attachment

How can attachment theory apply to our dogs?

Dogs are family and we’re closer to them now than ever. They accompany us everywhere, sleep in our beds and barely leave our sides.

So inevitably, they are attaching to us in a similar way that human children attach to their parents or caregivers.

Beverly said the lightbulb moment happened when she saw Dr Daniel Mills, a vet and behaviourist, talk about the topic at a conference.

She said: “Dogs attach the same way as humans, so there are definite things we can do, just like we can do with children when there’s a dysfunction there, to support them.

“In studies using the ‘Strange Situation Test,’ researchers observed how children behaved when left briefly in an unfamiliar space, and then reunited with their caregiver. Were they able to explore and return? Did they check in and feel reassured

“Someone very bright did the study to see if dogs were attaching with humans in the same way. And it turns out – they do.

“This understanding shifts how we see our dogs. It helps us see their emotional needs not as inconvenient behaviours, but as attachment responses we can support and shape.

“For example, when we’re working with separation issues, we are looking for those guardians of those dogs with separation-related problems to become that secure base, even if the world is just your house.

“We have this opportunity to use our position as a secure caregiver to help our dogs feel safer and secure.”

Beverly says that as a Separation Anxiety specialist, she often hears the word ‘attached,’ and now encourages her human clients to see things from the dog’s perspective.

She added, “Now, when people say, ‘My dog’s too attached. I can’t leave.’ The idea is actually, ‘No, they’re not too attached – they’re insecurely attached.’

“This is not the owner’s fault, no one is being blamed for this, but they do have an opportunity to behave differently.

“So our reactions shape our dog’s emotional safety. Calm, predictable responses from us can build trust with our dogs.”

What does secure attachment look like in dogs?

We often think of ‘good’ behaviour in dogs as being quiet, calm, and obedient. But Beverly believes that it’s not about behaviour – it’s about our dogs feeling safe emotionally.

“What we’re looking for is a dog who says, ‘Oh, I noticed that’ and not, ‘Oh my God, I’m panicking.’ It’s the difference between a response and a full-blown emotional reaction.”

A dog with a secure attachment can:

Check in with you, but explore independently
Hear a noise and look to you, rather than panic
Trust that your return is predictable and safe

Fireworks season is an ideal example to show what secure attachment might look like. “I want, when that huge bang happens two doors down, for my dog to look around – and then look back at me,” says Beverly.

What are the signs of insecure attachment?

Insecure attachment doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. It simply means your dog doesn’t yet feel safe enough to regulate themselves or be alone.

“Often people say, ‘My dog’s too attached – I can’t leave.’ But the idea is, they’re not too attached. They’re insecurely attached. And you can help them feel more secure.”

Signs might include:

Panic when you prepare to leave
Destructive behaviours, barking, or toileting when alone
Hypervigilance or reactivity to sounds or movement
Inability to settle unless they’re touching you

Beverly adds: “Your reactions shape your dog’s emotional safety. Calm, predictable responses from you can build trust.”

How our behaviour shapes our dogs’ emotional world

This isn’t just about your dog’s attachment style – it’s about yours too, and how you respond to stressors will influence how they react.

Beverly says: “We bring these dogs into our lives to have a great relationship with them. We want to see that happy little face when we come home.

“Dogs learn through observing us and social facilitation, just like children do. So, if you see something startling, regulate your own emotions.

“Have your own ‘oh, that’s no big deal,’ versus ‘Oh my God!’ response.

“If you jump and scream every time there’s a firework, your dog is probably going to think it’s something scary.

“If instead you say, ‘Yeah, I heard that,’ and redirect your attention into something else – you’re showing them it’s safe.”

This doesn’t mean ignoring what’s happening. It means offering a calm, steady response.

What can we do to support secure attachment?

Beverly admits that as an auntie, she’s leapt to the rescue and made a fuss when she’s seen her human niece fall over while her mum has been giving her the side eye for turning it into a drama!

And it’s the same for our dogs, but she is keen to stress that if you have been dashing in like a knight on a white horse to rescue and protect your pup, that’s ok and not to beat yourself up.

It’s about making small changes in how you interact, and here are her suggestions:

Moderate your greetings and goodbyes. “I love being greeted at the door. But I try not to go into that ‘Oh my baby I missed you’ space. I keep it positive and low-key.”
Stay calm when something startles your dog. “Say ‘Yep, I saw that too,’ then redirect into something else – like play or sniffing.”
Build predictability into your routine
Give them chances to explore independently – but check back in
Take a deep breath – and let them see you do it. “You can actually teach your dog to take a deep breath. Your reactions are contagious.”

How Beverly is using this learning in her work with clients

This new perspective is helping pet parents understand why their dog behaves in a certain way, both when home alone and out and about in the world.

Beverly said: “It’s helping guardians understand that if they have a dog who is having trouble learning to be alone, this can be due to fear of being on their own or it also can be due to frustration.

“We don’t know the history, especially if they’re coming from shelters or rescue situations, or they may be a brand-new dog who’s never been left alone.

“So whether it’s fear or frustration, we can really do a lot in that leaving, and in that time when you’re together, that can actually help that dog develop a secure attachment with you.

“Some of the things again are just showing your dog that when scary things happen out in the world it’s ok and having that moderated response yourself.”

Why this matters – for both ends of the lead

Having a better understanding of your dog and how at ease they feel in the world helps to deepen your relationship, says Beverly.

“This is about building trust. When your dog trusts you to be their steady place, it changes how they move through the world. And that steadiness becomes internal, not just dependent on your presence.

“Isn’t it interesting that it continues even when you’re not around? My mum’s secure attachment to me means I can walk into a room and feel safe. That’s what we want for our dogs too.

“Dr Daniel Mills’ shared the analogy where when a child falls down in the park, instead of doing what I do, which is, ‘Oh god, are you okay? I hope you didn’t break your leg!’

“Instead of doing that, the child comes back to the caregiver, the caregiver gives the child a kiss and sends the child back out to play.

“And the child goes and enjoys the rest of the day. The child hasn’t learned ‘parks are dangerous’ or ‘never go down the slide again.’

“They learn that sometimes scary, unfortunate, not-fun things happen. And when they do, we’re just gonna roll with those punches and move on and have a good rest of the day. That’s the goal.”

Final thoughts

Attachment theory offers us a compassionate, science-backed lens for understanding our dogs.

It helps us move the focus away from blame and frustration, and towards being more present, calm and providing emotional safety for them.

Beverly says: “Every time you show up calmly for your dog, every time you say ‘no big deal’ instead of panicking, every time you give them space to explore and return, you’re building something powerful – secure attachment.

“We already know how to do this. You might just have to tweak a thing or two that comes naturally to you.”

Want to learn more on this topic?

You can find out more about Beverly, including free resources and ways you can work with her on her website: headoverheelsreno.com

Or connect with her on social media.

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/headoverheelsreno

Find her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/headoverheelsreno

You can read more about the work carried out by Dr Daniel Mills at The University of Lincoln here: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0168159125001261

And find out more about Dr Mills here: https://www.lincoln.ac.uk/researchatlincoln/meetourexperts/danielmills/